BATO NI DARNA
Monday, November 28, 2011
“Push yourself to the limit”, that’s what we’ve been taught.
“Strive hard and you’ll succeed”.
“Good things come to those who wait”.
Nah, being born and raised to follow those who have authority and the elderly; I have learned to endure a lot of obstacles throughout my life, hurdling through to get the inked parchment paper that would become my passport to what they said as a greener pasture.
I have been patient. I never became a problem child. I got my college degree with the least effort I could give. I was attending class just to avoid flunking my subjects or repeating the same course all over.
See, I could be lazy so I try to finish everything on time, if not ahead of time, to save time for leisure. I was carrying with me an invisible weight of pressure upon my shoulder, dictated by my hopeful family and people who know me that probably think I am the perfect daughter or student, incapable of failing.
Again, avoiding being locked up and dying of boredom at home, I chose to attend school, attempted to love whatever my parents wanted for me, finished college, passed the NLE 2009 whilst crushing on our reviewer Sir Gicar through the Glocal days and getting a little kilig distractions from Kido and lots of fun and adventure with friends old and new. I got my license and since then I had the sense of taking the taste of reality and independence. I was eager to get a job. Then I found myself dropped into Sufferland and easily backed out. I got used to exerting the least effort and these strangers were trying to juice me of all my strength and patience and positivity. I went on searching for what I thought was a comfort zone – I volunteered as a nurse in a hospital in my hometown. Another wrong move. Yes, it was fun but not a single penny for all the services I rendered, too much for martyrdom, that’s just not my style. So I squeezed myself to get through piles of application letters and found myself being a full-fledged employee. The first three months was an endurance test. I easily got exhausted; I knew then that this is not what I wanted. I need to stop pretending and I can’t live up to everybody’s expectation.
I gathered up all my desires and strength and ambition; then, one day I found myself writing a letter asking for Dad’s blessing to quit my job. I told him of my grievances and of my aspirations. That was the first time I opened up to him without really having a face-to-face convo. Three days later, he approached me and told me he had read my letter. Unexpectedly, he agreed and advised that if I had to quit, I need to move and be somewhere. It’s not that he was evicting me from home but his words were a breather.
I can’t always go around, play around and start something and quit quickly when I get tired. I’m not a baby anymore so I need to be more responsible with my decisions and actions and all of consequences thereafter. So I chose to keep my job and thought of finishing the contract. People would never understand, they can’t fill in my shoes. I had to be strong and I can’t keep escaping from responsibilities. I am a grown-up now but Dad’s smile that day had assured me that no matter where I go and whatever I decide to do, I will always be his little princess, only this time; I am stronger, braver and wiser. :) And I will always have a family to pat me in the back and tell me, “Everything’s gonna be alright". (You Gotta Be – Desiree)
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