Take Care of Me
Monday, December 05, 2011
(a love story from the ICU)
We’ve been taught in the academe to empathize, to care, to promote health, to alleviate suffering, and provide a peaceful death. But the last one would be the hardest a nurse is ought to do.
As a health care provider, it’s really difficult to hide any form of emotional attachment to patients and their families. In the course of a patient’s confinement, especially those admitted long term, or dying patients in the Intensive Care Unit; we learn to see how different family dynamics of a patient’s family affect every decision and action made day by day. We have all learned to sympathize and empathize, be realistically oriented at all times, but we can never fully influence their decision to hold on and let go of their loved ones.
I saw how one husband who can’t afford to let go of his wife. May be of too much love, he pursued every form of medications as well as diagnostic and treatment procedures. He had already sold almost the entirety of his family’s assets, pawned his land titles, to buy whatever the doctor writes on the prescription and whatever his wife needed – diapers, suction tubes, feeding formula, water, room charges, equipment charges, oxygen use, etc. I saw him sighed lots of times, really confused of what to do next. He can’t afford to lose his wife, maybe not for the moment because she’s still awake; but she’s more of a vegetable in her bed.
The husband could not do about it, her death is foreseeable but he’s still in denial. Lots of times the doctors have explained that his wife has been suffering too much but he insisted her confinement so she could be well and treated. He was in deep denial, and pure hopes. A very unhealthy hope. He could have decided to take his wife home, take care of her in her moment of infirmity. But he couldn’t do it simply because he is also very old and his children just don’t care too much of their mother, maybe.
I saw the old woman who suffered more than what she could probably bear, but holds on for the family who looks forward to her recovery. She is tired and her body is giving up but she tries to survive with the aid of a ventilator, days more are added to her agony. She cries sometimes, maybe because of exhaustion and maybe she knows how her husband has worn out all the family’s resources. Tears fall down from her eyes every time her husband comes to see her. He holds her hand so tenderly. She would have wanted to tell him that she’s ready to die, but she’s too weak, and the tube in her throat prevents her to form even a whisper.
I saw the dying wife and his expectant husband. I saw the pain and suffering in their eyes. It’s like every day is a day to crush my heart with such a heartbreaking scene. How could I ever wish of someone’s death, it’s just not right? But I guess her demise may be what everyone needed to come back to their own consciousness and live each own life. I don’t know maybe, this tragic story would end into something that’ll make sure that all is well.
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