Look At Me Now
Friday, December 16, 2011
So, what now, you all
have read about my life and how it has been; and may have made some judgement
out of all the blogs that I've written in here would either be about me
complaining how terrible my life is or how I miss a lot of my friends. I am not
emo or goth or anything. Please, don't label me. Not for the way I choose my
clothes, not with the way I talk. I have nothing against some group of people
but please just think of me as me.
I was born and raised as
Jodivie Suarez Malnegro, but most people, even at work fondly call me Wowo. I
should have been called Wow because I was a pretty baby (haha, please note that
this is my blog) and an answer to my parent's prayers to have a baby girl. What
really happened to everybody's princess? What happened to the perfect daughter?
What happened to the over achiever weird classmate?
Well, Wowo
is still alive, for the record and is still sane. She hasn't gone crazy or
anti-social. She is passing through the difficult part of finding out that
she's not living in Eutopia. She used to get what she wants, whenever she
wanted it with the least effort. But now, she feels alone. Not that she is that
futile to do things herself, but she's having a hard time, desperately keeping
up with the pace of the world. Wowo likes to be in control of things and now
that the reality is out of hand, she can't sit still and wait again for
whatever good or bad things to come. Wowo is not a brat. It's just that she
wanted to be treated the way she deserves to be treated. She lived a very
orderly life. She may not have been very time conscious but she sure has been
on the right side.
What others should have told her, she had to learn by
herself.
She followed rules but has lately realized that it was up to no
good.
Rules were just warning and warnings she has to see for herself. She used
to avoid taking risks, resulting to her having lots of phobias.
And what good
would it bring her if she continued to allow people to step on her? She keeps
quiet most of the time, really thinking hard. But out of rage and sometimes
lack of tact, she sounds like a ranting baby most of the time.
It’s
really difficult to make decisions and I don’t want to keep escaping from all
the consequences they bring forth.
I said I hated my job, but I kept it anyway
coz I would be a greater loser if I just stay home doing nothing. I said I
would like to take up Law but I wanted to do it in my own time and on my own
expense. Coz I don’t want to carry that same amount of pressure I had for
15years or education for that parchment diploma. I said I wanna take control of
things but most of the time I’m confused so I end up thinking too much. I said
I don’t want to tire myself again but I volunteered myself to practice an
exhausting Christmas dance routine. I said I wanna be happy but I’m worrying
too much. I wanted to be treated like a princess girlfriend but continues to
hold on to a Prince Charming from far away land. Sometimes I just don’t
understand myself. Look at me now, alive but barely living.
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