SuperGirl
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I’ve always been hard to myself,
and it’s so unfair, I know.
I keep on trying too hard,
fooling my audience with a cape and a megawatt smile; role playing as
invincible Super Girl. I have already pretty much deceived a lot of people,
roughly everyone around.
It’s never been a secret how
terrible I am in swimming, how pathetic I look when it comes to conquering
fears – scuba diving, zip lining, taking a slide to the pool, riding a bike. Yeah
I am a lousy brave one wanna-be and oh how I flunk big time in showing off
loads of courage.
Growing up I have always been a
snob, maybe a little snob. Seriously, I am just not that very affectionate girl
who seems driven by so much passion in life. That’s just not my style. I got to
school and gained friends but hardly did I open up with my feelings or divulge
anything about me except for some obvious facts. I was never vocal about my
feelings. I was passive in giving my ideas in class. I focused on writing for
myself as a past time, and I did keep a lame diary. And must I be proud to tell
everyone how I never gossiped, not since I can remember. (but I am no angel,
for the record).
I went to school because I had to
graduate and should find me a good paying job. I never intended to gain friends
but I did anyway, maybe because they found me weird and silent and shy then;
and I looked untouchable – yes, I looked tough. Many labeled me as a tomboy –
yes I was such one-of-the-boys, and I loved hanging out with my guy friends.
They’re in for plain fun; they don’t talk about silly fashion and hair and
makeup trends. They were never affected by telenovelas so I surrounded myself
with a barricade of strong friends. They never commented anything bad about me
(unlike some insecure girls who’d give unsolicited advice in the face). They’re
generous with ice cream treats. And yes, they’re a big help with hard work
assignments and they treated me like a princess.
So people would probably remember
me as the girl with deep set eyes, my friend Mark Po once said that my eyes
looked really sad and I seemed to be carrying the world upon my shoulders.
Others commented I had such a poker face, I don’t show that much emotion. Nel
once said, I seldom talk but when asked for advice or any comment, I’d open my
mouth and everyone would listen, maybe I love being brutally honest, especially
to a few who are really close to me.
I did get you all confused,
right? So was I really pretentious or was I being sincere? I must say, I just
want to look smart and tough so no one would dare be little my skills. I made
sure no one would make me cry again. I had to start off with a very wide
personal space so only a few would come near me and make fun of me, I want to
people to like me and have fun with me, not make fun of me.
I must admit, I mastered the art
of sarcasm to protect my ego. But I still do cry myself to sleep, during my
weakest moment, when I take off my Super Girl cape and when there’s no more fan
to see me flash my feigned smile.
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