Put the pieces together - Fixing a broken heart
Friday, December 02, 2011
Here I am again, thinking real hard to have something to write about. I’ve talked about my boyfriend, then my best friend, and thanks to Cham (maybe she’s in much infatuation these days, got me to write about love.) Love is a many splendored thing. Or was it something like that, well I don’t know, I am not sure so I am basically writing anything about this love, whatever comes to mind, alright.
“Six years, itatapon mo ang lahat ng ganun2x lang?”, yeah, a relationship could have gone for a much longer period but the years won’t guarantee that you’d end up together. And a break up doesn’t mean the relationship failed or you failed as a person for not sticking into the relationship.
A break up is the way of the world to make both people realize that it’s just not meant to be, it won’t work no matter how much you try. Or you may want to hear this; the break up is God’s way to help you meet the right person for you. “You deserve someone better,” because you can’t tell him/her straight in the eyes that, “I am not happy anymore”, or “I’m in love with someone else,”. Ouch! That hurts big time!
A break up is the way of the world to make both people realize that it’s just not meant to be, it won’t work no matter how much you try. Or you may want to hear this; the break up is God’s way to help you meet the right person for you. “You deserve someone better,” because you can’t tell him/her straight in the eyes that, “I am not happy anymore”, or “I’m in love with someone else,”. Ouch! That hurts big time!
It’s really easy to fall in love but the hardest part of life is, falling in love, staying in love with the same person and choosing every day that you love to be with that person. Sounds really complicated, but, yeah, that’s just how it all goes. Yes, a lot times we feel like seeing and knowing someone so attractive, then all of a sudden, the world daze, you feel your heart skip a beat, and your breath taken away and call that, aha, LOVE. Every day you have to act out of love, you have to let love grow and the relationship grow. Day by day you’re in a constant challenge to accept whatever that someone you love is or is not. Day by day you realize things, he/she isn’t what you thought he/she was, you never imagines nagging, ranting, demands, forgetfulness, boredom, work, distance, lack of time and everything else would come your way. You thought that the world would adjust for you and just like the fairy tales you’d end up happily ever after. It’s not always like that. The world is harsh, you get to see more attractive people, you have seconds of paranoia, trust issues, and then you’d fight over and over and make up over and over until it gets tiring. So before you end up exhausting yourself to that one person, ask for space, save yourself and bring back to your sanity, feed up your ego and go on. Crying is good, drinking sessions with friends could alleviate the pain then you wake up with a hangover, your eyes puffed and the pain takes in all together again.
See, the big fight and the big decision to end the relationship – say breakup isn’t the ultimate challenge. The longest process is healing and it has stages just like grieving.
Of course there goes the denial, you can’t believe a breakup just happened, you can’t accept that something’s wrong, you can’t believe that you fell in love with such a jerk and that he/ she is just a plain jerk and you are such a loser. You keep talking about it at work, you call up your friends, you cry while eating, while driving and there’s a theme song on the radio. You can’t believe that the planned dinner and movie dates won’t happen. You keep telling yourself in the mirror, one more chance. You keep waiting for his/her call/ text message. You keep waiting for him to be right outside your door. You keep waiting for her to apologize. You check your phone every 30minutes.
Anger settles in, you drink, get drunk and stay drunk. You curse like hell. You punch the wall until your knuckles bleed, you throw your stuff everywhere like a big mess! You’re like a monster ready to kill. You’re in rage, and you feel evil. You start to slash your wrist, self mutilate. You party all day and all night and mess around. You are self destructing.You delete his/her number on the contact list.
Then you pick up your phone dial the number you’ve memorized since first week, call up and beg for a meet up and desperately ask him/her to come back. You bargain.You’d ask “Can we just talk it out? We can fix things, I promise I’d change. It won’t happen again”, blah, blah, blah. (If you’re the aggrieved party, never, ever feel sorry. If people hurt you, they can do it again, more so if you forgive, second chances are just like spoon-feeding yourself to the lions.) You blame yourself. You ask God why awful things are happening to you and that you don’t deserve pain.
Depression. You won’t charge your phone, nor load up. You stay in your room crying like a baby in fetal position. You can’t eat (or you overeat), you don’t care if you hadn’t changed clothes for a while. You cry everyday of your life. You get dark circles under your eyes. You can’t go to school, or show up at work, every day feels like dying. Then you read all the love letters you exchanged, you cry and cry until your eyes run dry.
You go to the salon for a makeover. You choose better clothes. Clothes you wanted to wear but he/she never allowed you to. You feel good about yourself. You’d enter his/her name back in the contact list. You’d hang out with your long time pals. You're gradually accepting the new life. You go on arcade and movie dates. You go to the beach and then you meet halfway through the mall and you smile and say “Hi”. (This is very hard to pull. Especially when you see him/her happy with someone else.) And you go on and munch on your favorite ice cream, never talked about with friends, never mention anything harsh about his/her new partner. You go home and you feel light. You may choose to stay single, find a partner (Not a scapegoat, not a rebound boy/girlfriend). You choose to love yourself and stay in love with yourself and you’ll know when you’re ready to fall in love again.
No matter how much you’ve been hurt, suppressing your feelings would never help. Your healing process may be different; it might take longer or instantly but never forget that you’ve got your own life to live. Some things are just not meant to be and accept the fact that things must come to an end. Move on and never wish for him/her to come back, stop sulking. Let go, you can’t fully love yourself and find new love if you allow a piece of you with him/her. You can be truly happy, yes, even without him/her. You’re great as you are. Stop wearing strong persona, be vulnerable, and love again. For never is a greater feeling than to love and be loved.
3 comments
Hi Wo!
ReplyDeleteVery well said: relationship could have gone for a much longer period but the years won’t guarantee that you’d end up together...
i like this blog wo.
keep writing..keep the fire burning..
inspire more people..
Go...go...POWER!............
ReplyDeletehehehe, pwede next time, pakibutang inyong name sa comment box? hehee dli man gud makita pag dli mo members, hehehe,, thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteYou also have something to say. :) Please drop your comment here :)