Wonologues

I was skeptical when you told me that 2015 would be our year but boy did you prove yourself right!



You stayed up with me despite my disturbed sleeping pattern or lack thereof. You drank coffee with me while I went through my readings that didn't seem to end, though I know that coffe is not really your cuppa tea. You gave me the funniest pep talks. I'm not quite sure if those pep talks did in fact motivate me or maybe they may have just made me laugh so hard I couldn't think of giving up law school. You sent me scary photos just so I wouldn't sleep coz I got to prepare for recitations. That was unconventional but it's exactly your anti-mainstream acts that drew me closer to you. Ayeee ♡





April came and I really wanted to go to Mati. I haven't been to Mati and I really wanted to go to Summerfrolic. You got mad coz I needed to study for finals. You only wanted what's best for me. My friends thought that that trip to Mati was a crazy idea two days before the Consti Law exams but we two crazy kids went on anyway. Hihi



I felt kinda pissed when we couldn't buy those expensive rave tix but you turned everything around when you offered that we go old-school at Dahican. We watched the picturesque moon as it lit on that dark Friday night, majestic with all its glory. My definition sure wouldn't give justice to how beautiful the moon looked that night. So while everyone was raving with EDM, we had our romantic moment by the beach with the moon. I would not exchange that moondate for a rave any day!



We watched the sunrise the day after. It was a few minutes after 5 in the morning.  I haven't woken up that early in a long time. That was usually the time I go to bed during hellweek. You stayed patient with me despite my obvious lack of swimming skills. You just said I looked cute running from the waves that you could ride and surf anytime. hihi And that moment we got caught up in the wave and got swept to the shore then I hit my head on your knee, damn that was awesome! Haha I could have bruises and all but see I (still haven't) learned (to swim) hihi

 Is it measured by the number of times you say “I love you”

What happens when the chill line becomes a scary place to be in?

What if the person or the people you expect to be in the chill line have gone away?

Where do you go?

What do you do?

What if it the chill line was actually not a place to be totally free?

What if it was an arena?

What if it was all a game?

What if it was all mind games?

What if it was a test of survival?

What if it was all a lie?

What if it was all just figment of a brilliant mind?

What if it was the product of necessity?

What if it was meant to be a place to just cry?

What if it was just a place of wounded souls and broken hearts?

Where do you go when reality becomes scarier than the last time you checked?

What if it is not?

What if it is?

I have dangerously created a world where I thought I could just be myself.

It took me instead to a place where I cannot anymore distinguish the reality from a dream.

I will close my eyes and drift away.

Lead me to utopia, take me.

"Suicidal people are just angels wanting to go home."

I do not own this photo

I saw this on my Facebook newsfeed a few weeks back and it never left my mind since.

How can somebody in his sound mind get to patronize people who think of suicide?

Disclaimer: This is not a political rant. This is not to undermine those who may have gone through thoughts of ending their lives.

I got two words on that moment: Pathetic. Help.

I have always been a lover of life. I may not look it but hey, I love life. Its uncertainty excites me. Its monotony is my blanket of security.

Well, life in general is not what this post is about.

Pathetic.

For lack of a better word and for the obvious disadvantage of my vocabulary, the first word that came through me after that post was - PATHETIC. Obviously. Personally, I'd rather kill someone than end my life. Only a few may concur with my vicious "principle" or in a way it may have contradicted my previous statement of how I love life. Let's not dwell on that now.

Suicide is a serious matter. Serious may even be an understatement.

What kind of life could that person have been living and what kind of people may have surrounded him to entertain such thoughts, or at the least, consciously post about it.

After a few discussions with my brain (crazy Wowo), I thought, it was a cry for help. HELP!

It was an indirect message to the world that "Hey, I need help!"

How can I not notice?

Should I help?

I am pro-choice and I am a bit over on the idealistic side than realist. So I brushed the thought of helping that person on the side, believing that that person will somehow figure things out on his own soon. I mean, always presume good over bad.

I have this weird thing in me that I feel that I am hardwired to help. So tightly hardwired that whenever I feel that I could help but had not done so, makes me feel guilty.

Then out of nowhere, I got an explanation of the post.

Now, I have another two words: Angels. Home.

Angel as you may be, this is your home for now. I don't know which home you want to go back to but I hope you can see this world now Okay.

It may seem like it's a little more complicated than what you believe you can only handle but I have faith in you.

Somewhere in that dark cloud above your head is me and some other people blowing off that dark cloud so you'll see the sun again.

Yes, this world gets a little more complicated than yesterday and I think worse will come to worst as days go by.

That night of a few small talks, I, for sure, know for a fact that I have not done anything close to helping you.

Be reminded of the smile you can show the world and how it may have brighten up someone else's day. I know it may seem difficult to understand now but trust me, it's one of those baby steps you may take.

Be reminded of the air you breathe and how the wind kisses you when you drive your car past the busy streets of the city.

You are not alone in your battles angel.

Suit up and let's fight this war.